I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
