omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
sex in a hospital.. check
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
