gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
