If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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