I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
