All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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