im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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