girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
operation harelip BJ is a go
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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