I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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