Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
