Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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