does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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