ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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