is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
