Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize