alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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