what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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