meet me or not, i'm out of control
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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