Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
