my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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