I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
