The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
