The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
