I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
