the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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