I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
