Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
