I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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