I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
