You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
worst night to have a conscience
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
