you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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