I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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