i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
