we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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