The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
