Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
