my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
