My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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