I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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