New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
