If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
