Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I die, sorry about rent.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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