I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
