ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
