i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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