watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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