i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
