fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
