i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
