Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
