My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
