fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
