I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
