So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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