You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
