the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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