You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
