it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
