Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
