you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
