i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
