Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize