That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize