I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
