Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
