Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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