I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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