i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
