I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
