Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize