ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
