So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
