last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize