We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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