he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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