They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
