Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize