I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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